Our Long Wait

For the first time EVER, no words were said, Bill just held me because he knew the sadness I was feeling and felt it himself as well. Last night was a release because all weekend we had held it all in in front of my family. I think they did sense something because I know I felt sad and may not have looked happy to them. But they did not say anything. They know we are still trying and its hard for us but they still do not know about the IUIs. Saturday morning before our huge family cookout, I started my period. It is what I have dealt with for the past 2.5 years but this time I had a little bit of hope and I was crushed......I didn't tell Bill just yet but put on a fake happy face and enjoyed my family. I did end up telling him but we never discussed it because we were always surrounded by family......but what was there to discuss? It didn't work and we'll try again next month but nevertheless it made us sad. If this is what we are going to deal with the next 3-6 months, I am not sure I can handle it. My hope is fading though I still trust in God and his plans. A wierd feeling and hard to understand.

I was encouraged by a sermon and testimony my friend Theresa passed along to me. Her church did a sermon on Hannah's story of dispair but trust in God and God opened her womb and she gave birth to Samuel. click here to listen. I love that story. And the testimony in the sermon was very comforting and I could really relate to her feelings of no hope, of sadness and bitterness. After so many years of no luck they decided to give it to God and God blessed them. Very sweet and encouraging!

Sometimes I feel like going back to basics and keep trying naturally-no tests-no IUI-no drugs and let God work. But not sure He wants me to do that yet. I feel like we are to do a couple more IUIs. Either way, it is and will be VERy emotional and my stength and hope are almost gone.
So, God be my strength and friends be my hope!