Leading Me

I have had a lot of time to think and pray.  I want to make informed decisions but also hear from God.   Sunday, Travis's message struck me.  It was encouraging for me to hear again that I should not be afraid.....God will take me through what scares and worries me.  I don't know if Im afraid of having surgery....I just don't feel like doing anything else that may let me down.  I'm tired.  I feel like I just need more of a break.

In the meantime, Bill and I attended an adoption/foster workshop at our church.  It was extremely information and helpful.  We are eager to begin the home study process.
But my questions have been:    if we start the adoption process....will they look down on our situation if I became pregnant? What kind of adoption should we do, Foster or private?  Should I hold off on that?  Maybe I AM afraid of surgery and can't handle that right now.....maybe the adoption process should be started and we'll do the surgery when Im ready......Am I too old? Would I be too old to have a child if I wait to have surgery?  I DON'T KNOW!

After the service Sunday I was emotionally spent.  I knew I really had to truly trust God but still confused.  I sat in the worship break room alone during the 2nd service, before I had to sing again.  In walked our bassist Mark.  He is 57 and I hadn't known him long.  Very nice man.  His first question was, "How many kids do you have Christie?"   I said "One."  I laughed and said, we would love to have more.  :)  I can't remember how the conversation merged into this but he ended up telling about all 3 of his adoptions, their struggles with infertility and how he forgets that they have adopted children because his love for them is so deep and they are so much a part of them.

When our conversation ended I felt encouraged and that maybe I had heard from the Lord......to adopt!
I came home and spent time in scripture.  He lead me to where I left off earlier in Romans....Romans 4:13-25  is about Gods promises and through faith Abraham and Sarah were able to conceive at an old age.  Ok God.....

This is what I am hearing the Lord say so far:

I am ALL you need. Seek me first. Have faith.
Don't be afraid of the surgery.......I'll be your strength
Don't worry about your age.......I am God, I can do anything!
Don't worry about the adoption process or what kind of adoption or when....... I will work all that out
 for you.

I felt relieved but still unsure.........then came today.

I was prepared to go to the park to meet a friend to pick up something then decided I didn't have time, then my neighbor friend Amber was going and wanted me to have lunch at that same park and I decided I did have time.  THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME.

1. Amber and I have never met there, which encouraged me to go.
2. She ran into an old high school friend who she hasn't seen forever.....this girl says she doesn't go to the park often so chance meeting.
3. She is pregnant AND adopting!!!
4. What?
5. We get talking and yes you can go through adoption process and be pregnant and
6. She has had 2 surgeries like I will need, a laparoscopy!
7. She encouraged me to not only get it done for fertility but for my health.  They found endometriosis in her.
8.  She showed me her daughter who she had conceived after the surgery and she said if you have this opportunity......its worth it.
9. Like me, she ALSO has a heart for adoption and is ALSO going through the process while being pregnant like I said.
10.  It can be done, the Lord will walk you through it and I only need to trust Him.

WE WERE MEANT TO MEET TODAY! I AM OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW.

So for now, we will begin the home studies, get the surgery when I can and am ready
and we'll go from there.

Rest and Reflection

Bill and I had a wonderful Easter and then we left the next day for a week long trip to Scottsdale Arizona.  He had a conference that did not require too much of his time.  We were able to do ALOT! Pool time and travel.  We went to Sedona and hiked around the mountain trails and saw many popular  sites around the Pheonix area. I got to visit with family and just have a relaxing time in the warm sun.
It was just what I needed....Bill too.  It filled us with so much JOY to watch Jackson be so excited about everything we did and saw. :)

I did do a lot to thinking and reading though.

Bill and I are finishing up Orphanology.  I have been relishing it, taking mental notes and thinking each chapter through.......its taken me a LONG time to read it.

So, I have pretty much made up my mind to have the Laparoscopy done so we can try to have another biological baby.  But it costs and we will have to wait to save.

I am feeling a pull though, to go forward with the adoption classes and homestudys though, with Bill on board.  We are in this together.

I prayed this morning before leaving the hotel room, for peace when we got home...to know what to do.  And if we came up with a plan, that we would have peace that it was His plan as well.

I was reading today on the plane..... the chapters about how your church can be advocates and the voice of orphans (James 1:27).  I became all fired up!  I wanted to share this with our friends and pastors at the church! So many ideas went through my head......  We could start a ministry and provide resources and seminars and trips to areas of the world where there are orphans who cannot be adopted.....we can go and love them!  We could get the word out about trafficking.... on and on
I was ready to call my pastor right then.

Ha.

Well wouldn't you know, when I got home, I pulled up my Facebook and up came a post from my church with an event created!
Its call JamesOne27.  It was announced today at church.  God is already working on it, in our church!  He was getting my heart ready?  Will I be involved somehow? I Don't Know but WOW was I excited!

Some other truths the Lord has thrown my way the past couple days.  I must write down and remember:

Thurs Daily Bible App verse:  Proverbs 16:9  "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps"

Fri Jacksons Devo for today:  Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plan"

A note I came across on my phone. I had written it down last year:   "God break my heart for what breaks yours; stretch me beyond the place I think I can be stretched so that I can make a difference in the place of heartbreak; and You, Father, heal the brokenness in that circumstance and in my heart."

A verse I had saved on my phone last year:

Psalm 107 

   Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

 and he delivered them from their distress.

29 

He made the storm be still,

    and the waves of the sea were hushed.

30 

Then they were glad that the waters[c] were quiet,

    and he brought them to their desired haven.

These verses really spoke to me.  I know God is in control.  I pray He uses Bill and I. We are ready and willing!