Promises after Promises! I'm overwhelmed!

The holidays brought much excitement and anxiety as we waited to hear we are licensed.....at the same time, relishing our time with Jackson as our only child in the house during the holidays.

The day finally came on January 21!  We now have our license in hand and we are officially waiting for a child to be placed in our home.

The day before we were called about our licensing this all happened.


4:00am -  I couldn't sleep so I wrote a letter to my family:

So prayers and support needed! Its very likely we will be placed with a child soon. Waiting for some legal stuff to go through. Although we are excited, and a bit overwhelmed w emotion as anyone would be bringing a baby home, my mind keeps thinking about the mother who will have to give up a baby. I'm praying for her, whatever she is going through and Im asking you to as well. Its a difficult feeling to get excited knowing that there may be such heartbreak for a family or sadness from a mother somewhere.

I believe the Lord is preparing our hearts and minds for this journey.

I have challenged myself to step out into the unknown, walk into the deeper waters where things get a little dicey, where you can do nothing yourself but totally rely on God, all so I can see what He can do....see how He can use us. We both want Him to use us in any way possible and most of the time that means stepping outside your comfortable lives. So we feel this is our calling right now.

Of course there are days of doubt and fearing that unknown but I know that is the Satan trying to tell me I cant. Every time I start to think this way the Lord sends a friend with encouraging words. My friend said, "Fear is the opposite of faith. If you're in fear the enemy is close and that means God has great plans for you! ". Those words really hit me.

So you all can be encouraged by that too.

This has been my prayer for the past year or so. Its a prayer from a missions meeting I went to and it resonated with me.
“God break my heart for what breaks yours; Stretch me beyond the place I think I can be stretched so that I can make a difference in the place of heartbreak; and You, Father, heal the brokenness in that circumstance and in my heart.”

Please know I am a weak person, on my own anyways. This has been a very emotional rollercoaster but I know God is bigger than this and has gone before us in this journey, preparing us. He's even prepared Jacksons little heart.

So there you go. I spilled my heart. I usually only do in my blog but decided to here bc I love you.
Love you each so much!

*A song kept playing in my mind, it was a song I knew but I couldn't quite get the words out.  I knew its words had to do with what I had just wrote to my family.....

8:00am - IF:Equip Devotional 

   Deut 1:29-30
   29 Then I said to you, ‘Do not be in dread or afraid of them. 30 The Lord your God who goes before    you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes,

11:45am -  Ran into a friend who is a foster parent at grocery later that morning.  
   She asked how I was doing, how I was feeling and was very supportive. Very comforting.

12:15am -  On my way home....2 songs played:  
   1. THE SONG I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT!
  Casting Crowns "The Voice of Truth"  Here are the lyrics:  

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

....and more lyrics about David having the faith to face Goliath

And then 2. this beginning of a song by Kari Jobe:  "I Am Not Alone"

When I walk through deep waters
I know that You will be with me
When I'm standing in the fire
I will not be overcome
Through the valley of the shadow
I will not fear

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

Words so relevant and a reminder to me. 

I have been afraid of the unknown and He reminds me OVER and OVER that He is in control, HIS Grace is and will be sufficient for us and we do not need to fear!

The next day we got the call that we were licensed.  That weekend we moved Jackson into the "Big Boy Room" (the guest room) so we could prepare his tiny room for a baby.  AND we went through a bunch of Jacksons old baby stuff to prepare ourselves. 

That Sunday.... BOY was the story of David the promise of the Day!
This Sunday started with a random children's video I watched with Jackson....About David and Goliath
Then I wanted to show Jackson how David wrote the book of psalms, I was taken back when I opened my bible STRAIGHT to the story of David and Goliath.  No bookmarks or anything.  I thought....that is weird !   
THEN, we went to church and guess what the sermon was about???? DAVID
I told Bill...was it just a coincidence or was God telling us something?
He just said well I think the moral of the story is DO NOT FEAR!
So we wait.........

A Renewed Faith

As I sit here holding my friends foster baby in my arms (I have the honor of watching her every monday), I am in awe of Gods beauty and in awe of the hands that the Lord entrusts to hold these little ones and love them.  For a while now I have felt unworthy of being those hands.  Doubt had settled down in my heart.  I had always had a heart for these little ones but I let fear take over.  Just the opposite feeling of the hope in my previous post.  I was fearful then, in the Word but the past few weeks I have let it settle in and make a home.  I cried out to God and he gave me the notion to call a dear friend.  (Thank you Erika)

She said,

"Fear is the opposite of Faith.  

When you are in Fear, the Devil is NEAR.  

That Means the Lord has something GREAT for you!"

I was in tears and KNEW God had just spoke through her.  The weight of doubt and fear lifted off my shoulders and I felt Joy to be the HANDS of Christ. I began to long to hold the little one whom He had for us.  

We will be finished with week with all we need to do to prepare to be foster parents.  Then the waiting begins.  Our prayer is for Gods hand to be in the whole process!