So Fast Forward to Today.....

Its been almost 4 months (and a very busy Summer) 

since I wrote last.  

Long story short.........We began and completed classes to Foster-to-Adopt.  It was a decision Bill and made this summer.  We continued to feel a tug towards adoption.....particularly 

foster-to-adopt.  

We are excited, scared, anxious, curious, happy, nervous all at once.  Its a weird feeling.  Its much like that feeling we felt when I found out I was pregnant with Jackson....excited but 

"Can we do this???"    

I believe if the Lord brought us to this point, He will follow through to completion.  He will get us through it.  Through those doubts and the stress that can come with adopting and foster child He will see us through.  He is already on the other side because He goes before us.  There is JOY!

(painting graphic by me...a little hobby I've taken up as well...more to come on that.)

I have been focusing so much on Matthew 14:22-33. Its been my Rock through doubt, anxiety, worry, the list goes on and on. I have felt the Lord speaking to me through this...

22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was a long way[b]from the land,[c] beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea,they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”  28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said,“Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,[d] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

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There are so many songs out right now about this story in the Bible and I love them all.  Oceans by Hillsong United  Take Heart by Hillsong United  You Make Me Brave by Bethel Music

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We must keep our eyes on the Lord, do not take our eyes off Him for a moment.  He is leading us and taking us somewhere great.  I don't want to miss a thing.  Although I (me Christie, not Bill so much)  tend to worry, feel anxious, doubt, I'm Human....I must keep my eyes locked on the one that truly brings Joy and knows the best way to get us there! Amen. :)  

Deciding to Adopt in no way replaces our want for more biological children.  It could still happen.  We are just following the Lords leading, walking through open doors and not forcing doors that are shut.  A surgery is recommended, however, I'm putting it off for the time being until we get through all that goes into the adoption process.  My focus has just shifted. 

Stay tuned...

Leading Me

I have had a lot of time to think and pray.  I want to make informed decisions but also hear from God.   Sunday, Travis's message struck me.  It was encouraging for me to hear again that I should not be afraid.....God will take me through what scares and worries me.  I don't know if Im afraid of having surgery....I just don't feel like doing anything else that may let me down.  I'm tired.  I feel like I just need more of a break.

In the meantime, Bill and I attended an adoption/foster workshop at our church.  It was extremely information and helpful.  We are eager to begin the home study process.
But my questions have been:    if we start the adoption process....will they look down on our situation if I became pregnant? What kind of adoption should we do, Foster or private?  Should I hold off on that?  Maybe I AM afraid of surgery and can't handle that right now.....maybe the adoption process should be started and we'll do the surgery when Im ready......Am I too old? Would I be too old to have a child if I wait to have surgery?  I DON'T KNOW!

After the service Sunday I was emotionally spent.  I knew I really had to truly trust God but still confused.  I sat in the worship break room alone during the 2nd service, before I had to sing again.  In walked our bassist Mark.  He is 57 and I hadn't known him long.  Very nice man.  His first question was, "How many kids do you have Christie?"   I said "One."  I laughed and said, we would love to have more.  :)  I can't remember how the conversation merged into this but he ended up telling about all 3 of his adoptions, their struggles with infertility and how he forgets that they have adopted children because his love for them is so deep and they are so much a part of them.

When our conversation ended I felt encouraged and that maybe I had heard from the Lord......to adopt!
I came home and spent time in scripture.  He lead me to where I left off earlier in Romans....Romans 4:13-25  is about Gods promises and through faith Abraham and Sarah were able to conceive at an old age.  Ok God.....

This is what I am hearing the Lord say so far:

I am ALL you need. Seek me first. Have faith.
Don't be afraid of the surgery.......I'll be your strength
Don't worry about your age.......I am God, I can do anything!
Don't worry about the adoption process or what kind of adoption or when....... I will work all that out
 for you.

I felt relieved but still unsure.........then came today.

I was prepared to go to the park to meet a friend to pick up something then decided I didn't have time, then my neighbor friend Amber was going and wanted me to have lunch at that same park and I decided I did have time.  THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME.

1. Amber and I have never met there, which encouraged me to go.
2. She ran into an old high school friend who she hasn't seen forever.....this girl says she doesn't go to the park often so chance meeting.
3. She is pregnant AND adopting!!!
4. What?
5. We get talking and yes you can go through adoption process and be pregnant and
6. She has had 2 surgeries like I will need, a laparoscopy!
7. She encouraged me to not only get it done for fertility but for my health.  They found endometriosis in her.
8.  She showed me her daughter who she had conceived after the surgery and she said if you have this opportunity......its worth it.
9. Like me, she ALSO has a heart for adoption and is ALSO going through the process while being pregnant like I said.
10.  It can be done, the Lord will walk you through it and I only need to trust Him.

WE WERE MEANT TO MEET TODAY! I AM OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW.

So for now, we will begin the home studies, get the surgery when I can and am ready
and we'll go from there.